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艳诗翻译

夏夏 (发表日期:2014-02-09 22:26:17 阅读人次:2490 回复数:15)

  先介绍一下原诗与作者。

  
Edward Estlin Cummings (October 14 1894 – September 3 1962) was a noted American poet. Because of the typography used in many of his works it has become a widespread tradition for his name to be presented in lower case as e. e. cummings, though he himself continued to use uppercase letters in signing his own name

  
Edward Estlin Cummings, 1894年10月14日 – 1962年9月3日)は、詩人、画家、随筆家、劇作家。900篇以上の詩を書いた。

  
他是美国新派诗歌的代表,写了很多朦胧诗和文字游戏一样的诗。

  


  


  
"may i feel said he"

  
by e. e. cummings

  


  
may i feel said he

  
(i'll squeal said she

  
just once said he)

  
it's fun said she

  


  
(may I touch said he

  
how much said she

  
a lot said he)

  
why not said she

  


  
(let's go said he

  
not too far said she

  
what's too far said he

  
where you are said she)

  


  
may i stay said he

  
(which way said she

  
like this said he

  
if you kiss said she

  


  
may i move said he

  
it is love said she)

  
if you're willing said he

  
(but you're killing said she

  


  
but it's life said he

  
but your wife said she

  
now said he)

  
ow said she

  


  
(tiptop said he

  
don't stop said she

  
oh nn said he)

  
go slow said she

  


  
(cccome?said he

  
ummm said she

  
you're divine!said he

  
(you are Mine said she)

  


  


  


  


  
原文直译版。

  
"may i feel said he" 他说“爱抚一下?”

  
by e. e. Cummings 翻译 AQ

  


  
may i feel said he 他说:爱抚一下?

  
(i'll squeal said she (她说:我害怕

  
just once said he) 他说:就一下

  
it's fun said she 她说:那好吧)

  


  
(may I touch said he (他说:可以触摸吗

  
how much said she 她说:摸哪儿嘛

  
a lot said he) 他说:到哪儿就哪儿吧

  
why not said she 她说:那好吧)

  


  
(let's go said he (他说:来了哦

  
not too far said she 她说:别太过

  
what's too far said he 他说:何为过

  
where you are said she) 她说:已过了哦)

  


  
may i stay said he 他说:停一停吗

  
(which way said she (她说:怎么停啊

  
like this said he 他说:就这样啊

  
if you kiss said she 她说:那就吻一个

  


  
may i move said he 他说:还动一动吗

  
it is love said she) 她说:为爱而动吧)

  
if you're willing said he 他说:你不想吗

  
(but you're killing said she (她说:你让我欲死啊

  


  
but it's life said he 他说:为生命而动

  
but your wife said she 她说:可是爱妻在痛

  
now said he) 他说:不如现在就动)

  
how said she 她说:怎么动

  


  
(tiptop said he (他说:妙极啦

  
don't stop said she 她说:别停啊

  
oh no said he) 他说:哦,不)

  
go slow said she 她说:轻点儿,别太猛

  


  
(cccome? said he (他说:到了呢?

  
ummm said she) 她说:嗯呢)

  
you're divine! said he 他说:你是女神!

  
(you are Mine said she) (她说:你是我男人)

  


  


  


  


  




 回复[1]:  夏夏 (2014-02-09 22:27:41)  
 
  译文四,现代诗含蓄版

  
BY 子正

  
可否让我感受你?

  
我会用尖叫将你抵御

  
只一次,零距离

  
那感觉也会让我着迷

  


  
可否让我触摸你?

  
到底你要去哪里?

  
想突破你所有的疆域

  
其实你我都已无路可去

  


  
让我们出发吧

  
不要走太远的距离

  
说怎么样要算太远

  
就是此处你徘徊之地

  


  
我想永远在此驻足

  
告诉我,现在的我在哪里

  
我们的心同在此处

  
请吻我让我找回自己

  


  
可否让我发起攻击?

  
这应该就是爱的真谛

  
莫非你甘心沦陷?

  
真想死在你怀里

  


  
可生活是多么离奇

  
我在想谁是你的妻

  
她就在此时此地

  
我的光芒正消失在你的云里

  


  
那里是山顶吗?

  
快走,不要停息

  
我累了,已经气喘吁吁

  
你太慢了我正问鼎太极

  


  
云之巅,那个人可是你

  
嗯嗯,亲爱的,你在哪里

  
我仿佛看见我的女神走来

  
我感觉你已融化在我身体里。

  

 回复[2]:  夏夏 (2014-02-09 22:30:17)  
 
  译文五,诗经直译版。

  
士曰:感乎? by SEWUJIAN

  
"may i feel said he"

  
by e. e. cummings

  


  


  
士曰:感乎?

  
may i fell said he

  


  
女曰:悸兮。

  
i'll squeal said she

  
“不盈一匊。”(同掬,双手捧)

  
Just once said he

  
“且相一感。”

  
it's fun said she

  


  


  
士曰:执乎?

  
may I touch said he

  
女曰:何往?

  
how much said she

  
“且行且乐。”

  
a lot said he

  
“且相一乐。”

  
why not said she

  


  


  
士曰:觏止兮!(同媾。这是目前为止我知道诗经里最直接的性描写的字了。)

  
let's go said he

  
女曰:舒而脱兮!(舒缓,慢慢的意思。)

  
not too far said she

  
“何舒乎?”

  
what's too far said he

  
“既往矣。” (既,已经的意思。后面所用相同。)

  
where you are said she

  


  


  
士曰:定乎?(停止。)

  
may i stay said he

  
女曰:胡能有定?

  
which way said she

  
”亦既已止。“

  
like this said he

  
”且将一吻。“

  
if you kiss said she

  


  


  
士曰:行乎?

  
may i move said he

  
女曰:说兮!(同悦。)

  
it is love said she

  
”适女愿乎?“

  
if you're willing said he

  
”维我将殒。“ (维,只是,只有的意思。)

  
but you're killing said she

  


  


  
士曰:维谷如此。(谷,生活的意思)

  
but it's life said he

  
女曰:维女有家。(家,家室的意思)

  
but your wife said she

  
”维今女美。“

  
now said he

  
”维我亡矣!“

  
ow said she

  


  


  
士曰:既顶兮。

  
tiptop said he

  
女曰:不已矣!(已,停止的意思)

  
don't stop said she

  
”且女从。”

  
oh nn said he

  
“迟迟兮。。。”(慢慢的意思)

  
go slow said she

  


  


  
士曰:说乎?

  
cccome?said he

  
女曰:降兮!

  
ummm said she

  
“女为佼人!”(佼同姣。)

  
you're divine!said he

  
“女为我士。”

  
you are Mine said she

  

 回复[3]: 译文六, 楚辞版 夏夏 (2014-02-10 06:58:22)  
 
  《感骚》 by MIAO

  
子求索兮感薜荔

  
予欲呼兮掩蘼芜 (薜荔,蘼芜都是香草名。此处拿来比个喻。其实也没什么用,不过屈哥就喜欢这个调调)

  
誓一感兮既止

  
长太息兮得娱

  


  
抚辛夷兮度意

  
护杜若兮问几 (辛夷、杜若也是香草名,用途同上)

  
飒飒兮未停

  
含睇兮言可 (含睇:含情对视)

  


  
与女兮入幽篁 (女:通汝。幽篁:幽深的竹林)

  
路险难兮无纵遥

  
何遥兮折芳馨

  
辕将驻兮止澧沅 (澧、沅:洞庭湖水系的河名)

  


  
心低徊兮身顾怀

  
羌何以兮鞿羁 (羌:句首语气词,无实意。鞿羁:束缚。)

  
长磊磊兮蔓蔓

  
子啄我兮则可依

  


  
撰余辔兮高驰翔

  
车错毂兮刀兵紧 (车错毂:车轮交错,形容鏖战激烈。这段和以下几段是限制级)

  
凌子阵兮从子意

  
身魂离兮心不惩

  


  
知运命兮双飞

  
愧良人兮独屋

  
持玉枹兮击鸣鼓 (玉枹:鼓槌)

  
开蕙櫋兮纳骖服 (蕙櫋:蕙草编织的房屋隔扇。骖、服:拉车的马)

  


  
举长矢兮射天狼

  
留灵修兮憺忘行 (灵修:此处比喻心上人。憺:害怕)

  
援北斗兮酌桂浆

  
曳公子兮徒离忧 (离忧:就是忧愁,据说是楚地方言,请证实)

  


  
倏而来兮忽而逝

  
尚啾啾兮细鸣

  
降神女兮九疑 (九疑:九疑山,就是苍梧山)

  
除褋袂兮遗公子 (褋、袂:都是衣物。把衣服送给心上人,那就是定情了)

  


  

 回复[4]:  与禅寺 (2014-02-09 22:36:34)  
 
  今天不是周末,是周始了

 回复[5]: 哈哈,阿与晚上好。 夏夏 (2014-02-09 22:38:10)  
 
  是周末的尾巴。

  
正确的应该是周始。

 回复[6]: 这艳诗翻译, 夏夏 (2014-02-09 22:41:06)  
 
  是在一个论坛里,大家拿来玩,一个比一个水平高。

  
我也有一份搀和。是哪个就不直说了,艳诗啊,不好意思说。

 回复[7]: 若是老唤来翻译, 夏夏 (2014-02-09 22:43:09)  
 
  不知道会是怎么样?

  
这是他强项吧。

 回复[8]: 诗经体 马挺 (2014-02-09 23:34:41)  
 
  诗经体最妙,除了“既顶兮”似有推敲余地。感谢夏夏“周末的尾巴”!

 回复[9]:  小学予科 (2014-02-10 00:07:34)  
 
  请教马老师,诗经体“兮”字怎么念呢? 能举例吗?拜托了。

 回复[10]: xi 独屏 (2014-02-10 00:16:29)  
 
  

 回复[11]: 兮 小学予科 (2014-02-10 07:47:34)  
 
  謝謝屏姐指教。也希望聆聽馬老師的看法和專業解釋。

 回复[12]:  二进宫 (2014-02-10 16:02:26)  
 
  我不懂英语把你们给救了,你们就偷着乐吧。

  
我要懂英语,翻译过来大家都得流鼻血。

  
睡不着觉都是小事儿

 回复[13]: 每个译本都很妙 金枪鱼 (2014-02-11 11:12:51)  
 
  仰慕啦!

  
按西人的审美观,原意应该不希望是含蓄的。

  


  
而我国人历来是喜爱含蓄,所以中国现代之前无裸体画(春宫除外)。

  
我个人喜爱这个译文三古诗的含蓄版。觉得简练易读!

  
夏夏mm的高作是哪个版啊?

  

 回复[14]: 艶照試貼 小学予科 (2014-02-11 20:27:24)  
 
  


  
多摩川

  
--- ---

  
看来很难请到马老师谈诗经的音韵,诗经体“兮”字的读法。

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