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憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃25

湘悟 (窟燕晩豚:2010-11-04 14:41:28 堋響繁肝:1261 指鹸方:2)

  Chapter 25

  
The Ending

  
1, A Special Family Reunion Meal

  
Family Reunion Meal means the whole family member sitting together around a table to have a meal. It is an important event to Chinese families normally at the Chinese New Year eve. But it was not a New Year eve our family had such a reunion meal, for our father could not last until the next New Year eve for sure. Even though we made a huge effort to put everyone of the family together, still not as perfect as we wanted, as father was too week to sit by the table therefore could only leaning back on a sofa. Mother had an empty seat and a set of chopsticks on the table for father. Next to father's empty seat was another empty seat, which was for my younger brother Danfeng. That is to say Danfeng was also absent from the table.

  
Daneng's wife complained that her husband was extraordinary busy day and night outside only for his own things. She said ^money couldn¨t see him to bring back, but hardly to see him at home; therefore I had to cook my own food. ̄ She felt so wrongly treated; she picked up chopsticks hit on bowl and roared to her daughter ^You call and tell your father, start from today; if he is late over 12 o'clock we will lock the door. ̄

  
Since the education reform carried out, my young sister in law¨s income was several times higher than my brother since she was working in education field. In addition she founded a private art school together with her partner recently. That meant extra cash. What is the emancipation of women? Women's emancipation is the emancipation of economic strength. Therefore naturally the financially stronger wife became increasingly powerful in the family. Looking at the way Danfeng wife spoke Panjie kept her mouth closed by force in order to avoid laughing out. She winked at her husband. But my brother Danjin pretended seeing nothing, only eat his meal. Mother for expressing her emotion she picked up a huge piece of fat pork by chopsticks intentionally toward younger brother's wife direction but dropped into Mei-Mei¨s bowl with exaggerated movement. It was obviously meant, ^Who is a good daughter-in-law I would give whom meat to eat. ̄ (this is an old Chinese fashion, to use one¨s own chopsticks picking up food to give to another person, was a way to show respect to the person, though the westerners might found it disgusting) When Mei-Mei saw that piece of fat oily pork she was disgusted and almost spitted out. However she quickly received that piece of meat with her bowl, but after put on the table she immediately got up and went to the restroom. Brother watched Mei-Mei all the way to the restroom door, and his face turned gray. Mei-Mei came back to the table after a few minutes; she stopped Danjin to ask her question, but put chili and soy sauce on the piece of fat meat, and swallowed it with agony. And then she explained to Danjin that she had been feeling no good for a few days, therefore oily food made her feel like to vomit. Brother's facial expression became more severe.

  
At this moment, Danfeng wife's mobile phone rang. The wife immediately passed the phone to their daughter, said ^tell your father, start from today, we would lock the door at 12 o'clock at midnight. ̄ The daughter started to chat with her father, and forgot all about ^12 o'clock ̄ thing. The wife was about to grab the phone back, daughter refused her mother but handed the phone over to me, and said ^my father is asking uncle to answer the phone. ̄

  
^What? Me? Your father really said the `Uncle¨, to answer the phone? Don¨t talk nonsense! ̄ The wife again asked her daughter to pass the phone back to her, but the daughter wasn¨t joking, she passed to phone over to me.

  
As I wrote in the whole book that my younger brother and I had broken diplomatic relationship (domestic relationship may be more appropriate) since our childhood, how come today he not only asked his daughter calling me ^uncle ̄, but even wanted to talk to me directly. What a pleasant surprise! Not to mention my mood.

  
I glanced at Mei-Mei. Her eye sight encouraged me ^take it ̄. I trembled to receive the phone, thought about to say a few pleasantries, ^ai, is that Danfeng ah? ̄ But he cut all the shit, hit direct to the bush ^the Hunan Orchestra invited you to have a violin solo concert, they asked me to inform you. ̄

  
Such a joke was too sudden, too much for me. I certainly did not believe. Danfeng did not bother to explain, but handed the phone to conductor Xiao (He was by then the head of the Hunan Orchestra). Heard Xiao¨ s voice after so many years, I started to believe that was true. After I showed my appreciation I told him the truth that I had quit violin performance for several years, therefore not able to take the solo role. ̄

  
Xiao encouraged me ^quit! How could you? A man¨s value is the persistent pursuit of his goal. Of course to be able to achieve the goal is another matter. ̄

  
Those wonderful words from the mouth of conduct Xiao was particularly impressive. Recalling more than 20 years ago when I was a middle school student, how he made his comments about me ^too much rhythm problems and too strong amateur habits, difficult transforming to be a professional musician. ̄ And how I wrote back to him? ^I swear to you I will to be the No 1 violinist in Changsha. One day I will become a professional violin soloist, become the king of music. You will lead your orchestra chasing after me with my rhythm as my accompaniment. ̄

  
Thinking of that, I could not help laughing. As the saying goes ^a gentlemen¨s revenge 10 years wouldn¨t be too later. ̄ I waited this moment for nearly 30 years, and finally I see the day I win. Shouldn¨t be me to be satisfied and proud of myself? However, now wasn¨t then. Time had gone over close to 30 years; I was by then, after all, no longer a naive middle school kid. I, after many years in the west had become close to a Western gentleman. It would be a waste if I do not catch that opportunity to appear my gentleman quality.

  
After I once again tried to refuse the concert Xiao suddenly said some words rather difficult to understand. He said ^No need to put off again. Even if you don¨t think of your own interest, you should think of the orchestra colleagues¨ interest. You have business should favor your old friends. ̄

  
^Business? What do you mean, by business? ̄ I quickly asked Xiao to give the phone back to my brother Danfeng.

  
Danfeng avoid answer my questions. He only said ^it is not easy to explain on the phone. Let¨s talk about it when we meet next time. ̄

  
His wife seized the phone shouted ^the door will be locked at 12 o'clock´ ̄

  
^Cough ̄ the phone was cut off.

  
After dinner, my brother Danjin talked with MeiMei privately at my nephew's room. He asked ^are you pregnant...again? ̄ MeiMei nodded ^so have to trouble brother taking me to see doctor again. ̄

  
Brother slapped on his thigh, with a deep sigh he said ^This is your sixth abortion. If go on like this, your life is in danger. No no, you have to listen to me this time, and let me to tell Danjiu the truth. ̄

  
MeiMei smiled with her tears rolling off, replied ^thank you my brother. But this time go see doctor is not for abortion, but for keep the baby. And I would ask you for a favor for the last time. It is the same thing I asked you before, that is promise me not to tell Danjiu a word about it, for this time, I want to tell him myself.

  
While my brother Danjin was talking to MeiMei Danfeng's wife revealed the truth of the my recital. The truth was father used the money I gave him for medical treatment to Danfeng as the manager to buy Hunan Orchestra accompanying me to my recital. I thought it was my violin performing ability conquered Condutor Xiao. What a sentimental and romantic self-feeling!

  
^Oh no, no, how can I spend money to buy a concert? In addition I haven¨t practiced violin for years that I have no longer the ability stand on the stage to give a solo concert. ̄ I said.

  
Danfeng's wife did not agree, she said ^what age it is now? The world has changed, and now money is level and ability. Look at those performing artists on TV, how many are really because of their art talent and ability? Nowadays, people pay for their own concert, pay for publishing their own books, pay for their own names. If other people can do, why can¨t brother Danjiu do? ̄

  
^Other people can do, but your brother I can not, because I¨m not other people. ̄ I shouted at Danfeng's wife.

  
Danfeng's wife made a ^knowing nothing about good or bad ̄ expression, took her daughter said ^it's getting late; let¨s go home to lock the door. ̄

  
2, I Decided to Take the Recital Concert

  
After the family reunion meal MeiMei and I went back home, no, not ^home ̄, but a place we spent time together. MeiMei first went to a shower and went to bed. I was watching TV, wrong again. I was not watching TV but facing the TV direction, because I did not pay any attention to what was showing on the TV.

  
I recalled the whole history of my violin life, from the first time I saw the violin at brother Li¨s window; I made my first violin under the instruction and help of Master Zhou; at middle school age I went to the pond place practice violin in the early morning and at by side of the railway track practicing violin in the evening; when working at the construction company, I hide myself somewhere use mute to practice violin during work-break time; when I worked at the Hunan Beijing Opera I practiced violin like crazy, every morning even earlier than those martial arts training actors; even that year when I was sent to work at rural area on behalf of the Government, with dirty mudded face and empty stomach, I still did not stop practicing violin; When studying at the Shanghai Conservatory of Music, at the beginning even though I had no place to stay wandered the whole night on the street I did not give up practicing violin. It is for the violin, I trekked through dozens of countries halfway around the world. I have done all the hard work day after day for decades, all for the one day when I could stand on a big stage, concert hall, accompanied by a big orchestra, with flowers and applause from audiences, camera flashes, the television cameras shooting at me. ̄ ^To give a solo concert ̄ I thought was a very distant dream suddenly falling off from the sky in front of my eyes. That temptation was almost irresistible. Although I psychologically changed my social position and accepted the fact that I had become a ^professional violin maker, ̄ a craftsman instead of a performing artist. For a fait accompli, violin making is also a serious creative art, almost good enough to find peace in mind and satisfaction in vanity, but I was after all, a VIOLNIST.

  
^Come here. ̄ MeiMei interrupted my thought.

  
^What? ̄ I asked with a bad mood.

  
^Touch my stomach to see if there is any change? ̄ MeiMei asked with profound meaning eloquently.

  
^Can you think of something else besides that (sex)? ̄ With bad mood I went towards MeiMei. But she turned around therefore in my eyes she was just a back. I sat down in bed, tried to touch her stomach, as her position did not allow me therefore I just reached her back.

  
Yes, I want to play violin, just give me a reason, even a small reason, if no reason then I only need an excuse´ However, to give a concert not because of my violin performing level and ability but money, that would be an insult to an artist! Oh no, absolutely not. It was not I care so much about the money, but´

  
^Ouch! ̄ MeiMei cried ^I want you to touch the stomach, what do you scratch my back for? ̄

  
Could not sleep well the whole night, I turned back and forth could not figure out why father suddenly changed his attitude to buy me an orchestra to have my sole concert? With a mind of full doubt I went to see father early next morning. ^To buy an orchestra to accompany me a solo concert, how could you think of such a ridiculous idea? ̄

  
^Do you think I could die in peace with my eyes closed if I do not see your brilliancy on the stage? ̄ No matter what father really meant it sounded to me was no more than sarcasm.

  
^What do you really want to do with me? ̄ I almost shouted.

  
^Alright alright. ̄ Father waved his dry bones ^I just want to seriously listen to my son play the violin. Just count it as the last wish of my life. Wouldn¨t you do it for your father? ̄

  
Since father said things like that, what else could I say? However, to recall the history I realized that, father against his will, give up his dignity, and even put aside his faith in communism and communist principles, to buy me a concert, was just his way of saying ^sorry ̄ to me. But at that time, I was so naive to think father really wanted to listen to my violin playing, or rather believe that was the truth.

  
Meantime a nurse asked me to go to Premier Liu¨s office. I went there found a doctor was waiting for me instead of Premier Liu. See me the doctor said ^about your father, we have done all what we could, but the reality is cruel. ̄

  
^Please, just tell me how much time dose my father left? ̄ I asked bluntly.

  
^Say, no more than 10 days´ ̄ The doctor answered.

  
I thanked the doctor, ran out of the hospital and immediately made a call to Danfeng, ask him to tell Conductor Xiao that I accepted the concert, and the sooner the better.

  
I took a taxi rushing to Danjin¨s home, took out my white violin, the violin I made when I was small, that father smashed it into pieces during the Cultural Revolution, and later I brought to U.S. repair course to have it repaired. Then I went out again to buy some tools. With the fastest speed to have the violin, the violin of great historical significance, adjusted to a performing condition. That feeling was just like a warrior preparing his weapon for battle field!

  
The violin was soon ready, but my violin playing ability has lost for years, not just my fingers, but also many violin works that I could not remember in full. To looking for the music score was no time, even some scores can be found I wouldn¨t have time to practice. With such a difficult situation Conductor Xiao came out a brilliant idea ^You no need to remember the whole concerto, just play whatever you remember from all concertos you played before. The part you remember, must be the part you like the most. I will put them together, call it ^the best of classical violin concertos ̄

  
^Teacher Xiao, you got to be joking. Please be serious´ ̄ I said what I thought.

  
But Xiao said ^do you see I am not serious? Do you see I¨m laughing? What the market need, is what we do. Nowadays, one can do whatever one want and like, and we have new labels called 'innovative school', 'avant-garde'. ̄ Conductor Xiao was getting more and more excited, he sighed and said sadly ^It is not that I am not serious, it is by now we can¨t afford to be only seriously playing classic music, for economic reasons. ̄

  
As the result of discussion between Xiao and me, I listed all parts of violin concertos that I could remember, which including Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Bruch, Tchaikovsky, Wieniawski, Sibelius and others work. Xiao linked all the parts of different works by different composers together, formed a new Violin Concerto, and euphemistically called ^the best of world's classics violin concertos. ̄

  
^Well, let's settle this way. ̄ Xiao hastily looked at his watch, said ^sorry, I have another business to negotiate about, today I can¨t accompany you for a meal. When score ready I will ask someone to pass to your brother. Your own solo part is your responsibility, when you practice; do pay attention to the rhythm. The orchestra only have one rehearse for you before the concert. ̄

  
^How come has only one rehearsal? ̄ I was rather surprised.

  
^Your brother has only paid for that price. ̄ Conductor Xiao spoke as he opened his Jetta car.

  
I had not fully woken up from that dialogue the emissions from Xiao¨s car had dissolved as part of the city.

  
3 Dramatic Tragedy at the Concert Hall

  
After three days hard violin practice with metronome the big day had come. At the concert hall I took a look at all the orchestra members. I found quite some old colleagues, but new member I did not know. I went to greet to my old colleagues one by one. Yet I was disappointed by not seeing the person I wanted to see the most, the boyhood friend Duguo. After asking I learned that he was then a violin professor teaching at a conservatory at the neighbor province.

  
Rehearsal started, though Condutor Xiao did his best not to make things perfect he still could not change his serious nature. He asked the orchestra repeating some places over again and again, until some young members started to grumble ^you said we only do once and pass, why do it over and over again, like a real thing? ̄

  
The two hour rehearsal was soon over. Musicians all went back stage for a break. On the stage left only Xiao and me. I went to shake hands with him and expressed my gratitude. Xiao with helpless smile said ^after so many years, you still have not radically improved your rhythm problem. ̄

  
I laughed with pain and replied ^But you have improved a great deal of following-soloist skills. ̄

  
Heard that Conductor Xiao with a bitter smill, that smill was uglier than crying he said ^Yes, no matter how capable I am I have to follow God. Customers are our Gods, therefore I have to follow customers. Today you are our customer, our God, so I must follow you. ̄

  
It seemed except those sad topics we had no other encouraging things to talk about, therefore we both were about to go back stage to take a break. At exactly that moment the full-stage lighting was on. Two television cameras were shooting at me. That atmosphere suddenly turned to like a star. A female reporter holding a microphone came up to me and interviewed ^Mr Daniel Chen, or should I call you Chen Danjiu, after more than 20 years when you come back to your hometown Changsha, what is your biggest feeling? ̄

  
I blurted out with the Changsha dialect ^My biggest feeling back home is: I¨m a foreigner. ̄

  
The lady reporter smiled ^JiuGe you have the same accent after so many years, rare, not easy. ̄ But immediately she returned back to working status, went on asking me ^Why do you feel like a foreigner? Can you explain? ̄

  
^Because, because great changes have taken place both I and my hometown, especially my hometown´ ̄

  
Not until I finish my sentence the TV director shouted ^cut ̄. The lights on stage switched off at once. Then I realize it was not a real interview but just a lighting and sound test.

  
I adjusted my eyesight for the sudden change, looked toward the audience, vaguely seeing ShaSha with a little boy sitting the front seat by the most aside. This time seemed had a little smile on her face. I thought in astonishment, as if that little boy was our abortioned child XiaoXiao. ShaSha intentionally avoided my eye contact, bowed her head to talk to the little boy. I gave her a slight bow, walked toward back stage to take a break. But when I just walked by the side stage I was surrounded by some old friends chatting. I socialized with them but my eyes were busy searching the audience down stage, imagining father came with wheelchair, or carried by my younger brother Danfeng´Meantime, incredible scene appeared, as I saw my father not came by wheelchair nor being carried, but walked in by his own feet, only strange thing is father looked smaller and shorter than he was in my mind.

  
Immediately I left all the friends and ran down stage toward my father. To my biggest disappointment I found it was not my father but my aunt disgusted as my father, that means she was wearing my father¨s clothes, especially my father¨s black woolen cat that was supposed my father¨s symbol. No wonder I guessed my ante was my father.

  
Aunt complained to Panjie ^I said we should wait to come in after the concert start. You see, just like the people in the north say `it revealed the secret¨. ̄ And then aunt smiled and said to me ^The hospital would not let your Dad to come out in any case, therefore he asked me to come in his place. ̄

  
^If my father did not ask you, you as my aunt would not come to my concert? ̄

  
Aunt removed her hat and said ^Of course I would come. Wearing the hat I am on behalf of your father, off the hat I am your aunt. ̄

  
Knowing that father could not come to the concert hall by person, a great sense of loss has come to my heart. Fortunately, Panjie quickly comforted me by saying ^Danjin would move a TV set at father's room, to let father see me through TV. ̄ This made me feel much better.

  
Meantime, on the street outside my brother Danjin was holding a big TV set squeezed into a taxi. The always gentle Danjin that day uncharacteristically kept pushin the taxi driver ^faster, more quickly. ̄

  
^Please don¨t push me. Driving a car is like that, the faster you want the slower you get. ̄ Driver looked back at my brother when the taxi was just close to the intersection. Seeing the yellow light the driver pedaled the accelerator rushing out for a few meters as a small motorcycle across right in front of the car. The driver slammed on the brake. Followed a crash sound from behind. The taxi¨s ass was kissed by the car behind.

  
^Do you know how to drive a car? How could you make such a sudden stop? ̄ The driver of BMW behind examined the damage of his car as he cursed.

  
^You're talking unreasonably. It was you who hit me, how could you ask me if I know how to drive a car? ̄ Taxi driver also checked the back of his car to see how badly it was damaged. But the taxi driver see the car was a BMW, guessed the driver must somebody; therefore he dared not get too excited.

  
Only a shout moment the two crashed car were surrounded by people who watching for fun. ^BMW eats fart! BMW eats fart! ̄ People were all gloating. Danjin took a look at the meter showing 8,5 RMB he immediately gave the taxi driver 10 RMB and said ^Keep the change. ̄ He opened the taxi door, paid no attention to his big swollen head, carrying the TV set out of the excited crowd and got him into another taxi. This time, he asked the driver ^Don¨t be hurry, take your time, the faster you want, the slower you will get. ̄

  
But how do you think the driver responded? He said to Danjin ^My brother, I cannot afford to drive slowly. Time is money, money is life, you pay me by kilometer, not by time. Am I right? ̄

  
^OK, OK, eyes front, do not look back. ̄ Danjin asked the driver.

  
Finally Danjin reached the hospital. He carried the heavy TV set climbed on the first floor, second floor, he needed a rest, but tried to get to the third floor. Really could not hold longer he put the TV on his leg against the wall for just a second to let his hands one by one having a short break, then went on the fourth floor. As soon as he got to the fourth floor he ran into a nurse with a medicine cart. Danjin said ^borrow ̄ by word but was actually seized the cart, put the TV set on the cart, regardless of the nurses rejection, pushed the TV heading father¨s room. As soon as he got into the room, Danjin put the TV on a chair, plugged in, installed a temporary antenna, adjust the channel, and finally found the channel that was broadcasting our live performance at the concert hall. Danjin excitedly clapped his hands, was about to call father up, the nurses called a doctor responsible coming to blame Danjin that to take her cart was a barbaric action. Danjin had no time to talk to them, he tried to get father up. But father had no response. Danjin patted father, and once again with heaver force. Doctor realized something was wrong, he looked father up, checked his pulse and eyelids, with sympathetic expression he looked Danjin, and then covered father's head with blanket.

  
^Doctor, he robbed my cart´ ̄ The nurse insisted.

  
^Get out! ̄ Danjin roared.

  
The doctors immediately press the nurse¨s mouth, and get her out of the ward.

  
^My cart´ ̄ that nurses was still watching the TV on the small cart.

  
^Go to get another one. ̄ The doctor¨s voice and the body of the nurse both disappeared out of father¨s ward.

  
Danjin removed the blanket from father's face, and hold father's body leaning against him facing the TV.

  
Premier Liu and the emergency service group arrived at father's ward. But the door cannot be opened. Through the small window he saw that Danjin embraced father, took a long sigh, called emergency service group withdraw, at the same time asked the chef nurse to inform the rest of the family. Following the hospital called Panjie.

  
But meantime I was at dressing room back stage, making a finally check of my glorious image, get some saliva to form forehead a few remaining hair, stood up and walked to the door. I got out of the door and stood by the side of the stage ready to give the concert. And it was that key moment Panjie rushed into me.

  
"Baba,he´ ̄ Panjie's next words were interrupted by heavy breathing.

  
^What happened to Baba?" I was surprised, but guessed 80%.

  
^Don¨t tell him now. ̄ Danfeng shouted to the Panjie and ran toward us.

  
^It¨s too late. ̄ I banged the door.

  
Suddenly, my heart was like being pressed by a huge rock and hardly breathes. Though I was well prepared about my father's death, but when the moment really came, that feeling was difficult to accurately describe in words. I think, for people who have lost their beloved ones would have the similar feeling from their own experience. However, I have another feeling that I am afraid not everyone has the opportunity to experience. That is I just about to play violin solo on the stage, the moment I dreamed for several decades, with all the hard work and efforts I could finally show my glorious in front people, and above all to let my father being proud of me, and admit his defeat in front of me, but at this very key moment father suddenly left me, making me feel like a warrior after losing his opponent, found the arms in his hands no longer making sense, for me the martial arts since childhood hard practice no longer had its use. It is like in a war, without the enemy, aircraft, anti-aircraft will become a pile of scrap metal; or if there is no virus attack to PC, anti-virus software will become a pile of useless thing occupying hard drive space; To think it deeper if a samurai lost his rival, he could even doubt the value of his own continuing existence.

  
^It¨s show time. Come quickly to the stage. ̄ Someone knocked at the door of my room.

  
I woke up from the immersion of contemplation, and another question emerges ^Now I have no father, to whom I play violin for?

  
^Everybody is waiting for you, come out quickly please. ̄ The stage manager called me again.

  
Even father no longer exist, I still had hundreds of audience waiting for me. Yet even thousands or billions could not compare with one person, my father. However, even I could ignore the audience, I could not let down my musician colleagues on the stage waiting for me to show up. My mind was busy with my own affairs, and my legs were involuntarily out of the dressing room. Stage manager saw me, with a strange look and asked ^Hey, I said Mr. Chen, where is your violin? ̄

  
I realized I forgot my violin. With bitter smile I went back to my room to fetch the violin. When I came out again stage manager saw my red eyes he encouraged me ^Relax, everything will be alright. ̄

  
^Do you see I¨m nervous? I'm not nervous, not nervous. On the contrary I¨m very relaxed, too relaxed, is about to falling into pieces. ̄ I slowed down my steps to make a fallen gesture.

  
Stage manager held me in order not to fall down, and said ^relax is good, good, but too relaxed is no good, as the rent of the hall is contented by time. ̄ Then he pushed me to the side of the stage.

  
I went to the center of the stage. The stage lights with television lights were on. I saw only mass of an audience in darkness. Conductor Xiao nodded to me, and then he raised his baton. When he waved his hand about to start the orchestra, I raised my right hand to signal him to stop. Xiao looked at me with great puzzle and embarrassment. I slowly lifted the violin, along with my memory of childhood, the tune from big brother Li¨s window to children¨s song ^little frogs ̄ ^Iris ̄ ^Only work is the most glorious ̄ father's favorite ^Li-song ̄ to my brother¨s most favorite song ^the evening of Moscow countryside ̄ ^troika ̄, I went on and on up to Beijing Opera ^go mountain to beat the tiger. ̄

  
Conductor Xiao was in complete puzzle and did not know what to do. But the concertmaster led the orchestra following me. Xiao realized that was the only way he gave a wink the orchestra members meant everyone following me closely. That situation was just like when I was a kid I wrote a letter to Xiao said ^someday you will lead your orchestra along with my rhythm of my scratching and scrambling for my accompaniment. ̄

  
Just like that my music went on for probably half an hour. In the whole process father's image constantly looming in front of me. I finally reached the limits of control, suddenly stopped the playing. I hold my violin with my both hands, my face firmly affixed to the back of my violin, for a long, long pause.

  
Since the first time I touched the violin, every day I dreamed of the moment when I stand on the stage. It was this dream gave me unlimited power to overcome all obstacles, conquer all the difficulties step by step climbing to this point. Today, however, when this moment really came, I suddenly felt it was exceptionally dull. Maybe like mountain climbing, during the climbing had high spirits and full of confidence, but when reached the top, only to find one is surrounded by other higher mountains, and what one climbed was no more than a small slope. Or just like across over a desert, in a state of desperate dying situation tortured when accidentally found a green state, with the desire of survival one struggled to jump over, found under the beautiful green state is an everglade that one cannot extricate. To feel dull when reach the goal maybe there are many other reasons as well. However, I knew clearly why I felt that way when I finally on the stage.

  
^My father passed away! Comrades and friends, my father passed away! ̄

  
I shouted out. However, even drooling to the extent shouting hysterically in public, still was not enough to vent my burning feeling in my heart. I suddenly completely out of control, raised my violin over my head and smashed it on the stage, just like my father did to her during the Cultural Revolution. My violin ^tennis... tennis ... ̄ cried the final moan.

  
The whole Concert Hall, both musicians and audiences were in commotion, but soon calmed down. I was about to leave the stage, but just a half step I stopped. Quickly I adjusted my mood, turned toward the audiences ^Please forgive me for what I have just done, I was out of my mind, I I'm sorry. ̄ I crouched down and picked up my broken violin piece by piece carefully, tried very hard to use the time calming myself down. I then replaced by more moderate tone to the audiences ^We don¨t have chances to get together like this, in the future probably no such chance again at all´ ̄ I paused for a moment, and suddenly increased my voice ^please allow me to take this opportunity to express my gratitude. I would first like to thank the schools and work units which I have been: the Changsha Xinxiang kindergarten; the Changsha Datong Elementary school; the Changsha New River Elementary school; the Changsha No 4 Middle School; the Changsha Construction Company; the Hunan Beijing Opera; the Hunan Radio and Television Orchestra; and the Hunan University; the Changsha Railway Institute; the Beijing Broadcasting Institute of Hunan Correspondence Center; of course, the most important the Shanghai Conservatory of Music; as well as the Shanghai Academy of Drama. I want to thank those who taught me trained me in my life journey, especially my teachers, such as Li ZengTao, my enlighten teacher who took the political risk taught me how to play the violin secretly in a church. Without him I could never take the violin road. My teacher Yu BoPing, the former concertmaster of Hunan Beijing Opera, changed me from an amateur violin player to a professional. My tacher Guo ShuMing, not only gave me strict basic violin education, but also built me a bridge from Hunan to Shanghai. My professor Sheng ZhongHua and Yu LiNa of the Shanghai Conservatory of Music gave me academic education and linked me to the outside world. My professor Boy Hansen of the Norwegian Academy of Music polished me as a piece of rough material into mature violin performing artist. And many more I need to mention about my masters and teachers in my violin making field. The last but not the least I certainly want to thank my friends: Ma XiaoMao and Wang ShiYi, my school classmates and friends. It was them to stimulate me get into the violin world. I particularly want to mention ShaSha, without her encouragement or even forced, and fearless self-sacrifice, I could not possibly get my feet into the Shanghai Conservatory of Music. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone in my family: DongYa, my very first Shanghai wife, without her selfless unconditional love, and financial support, It was not likely I could complete my studies in Shanghai. Marianna, my ex-wife of Norway, It was impossible for me to change the citizenship and become a free man of the world without her, and all the western re-education I received from her. I especially want to thank my brother Danjin and his wife Panjie, for all the things they have done for me in many years, of course, including tolerance to noise. In short, I want to thank everyone who gave me help during my growing up. Finally, and most importantly I greatly appreciate my father for his making my dream coming true today. After decades of infighting with my father, and today I finally understand the whole thing, which is hidden deep in that battle, is my father¨s deep love. If to put this love into sublimation we perhaps come to this conclusion: love my father, we should love my father¨s whole generation. In order to achieve an ideology, our predecessors created this period of history, created the history of the People's Republic of China. From liberation, to land reform, the Great Leap Forward, the Cultural Revolution, reform and open-door to the present Chinese characterized socialist society, no nation and no period of the history in the world, has experienced so many social changes and rich life experiences in such a short period of time than our generation. From this sense, aren¨t we the most fortunate generation in the human history? ̄

  
As my speech went on without knowing the time about half an hour had passed. Conductor Xiao gently knocked the baton on the music sheets table, pointed me his watch. I knew he was trying to tell me a two-hour concert only one hour left. I nodded and smiled to tell Xiao that I understood what he meant. I cleared my voice, and said ^finally, I would like to thank Conductor Xiao and every colleague in the Orchestra.

  
I stepped back and was about to leave the stage, but a very strong idea burst into my mind, I shouted with excitement ^One more thing to announce, my comrades and friends, which is I am here to publicly propose to a woman, who is present in the hall. ̄

  
Heard this, the audiences made huge noisy, noisy of surprise, curiosity, un-expectation, and anger or anxious´

  
^Yes, ladies and gentlemen, colleagues and friends, I have a marriage proposal to announce, the woman I¨m going to marry is the little lady selling my music CDs and books at the concert hall entrance. ̄

  
As soon as I finished my announcement, the television lights went off. Then I saw a cameraman carrying the machine with the hostess running towards the concert hall entrance. And other people followed to see what was going to happen. Obviously, they all went to see MeiMei.

  
I looked at my watch ^Now there are 45 minutes left for the concert, my friends, let's dance. ̄ I put my violin remain pieces carefully on the lap of the concertmaster¨s, and took his violin, lead playing a Strauss waltz, a wave of conductor Xiao baton, the orchestra colleagues immediately followed. The audience one by one stepped out to dance that made the concert hall becoming a ballroom.

  
I passed the violin back to the concertmaster, holding my violin remains directly from the stage down to the audience. I took a flower out of a flower basket and squeezed towards the entrance. Then several kind people shouted ^Please give way to the groom.

  
MeiMei at this time was taking a rest at the concert hall entrance for she was a little tired selling my books and CDs before the concert at the spot. Saw a bunch of people suddenly rushing into her she had absolute no idea what was that about. The TV director ordered his crew ^be ready, lights on, action. ̄ The TV reporter asked MeiMei ^Are you the one Mr.Chen is going to marry? If yes, could I ask a few questions? ̄ Then, the TV hostess headed the microphone to Mei-Mei. No response from MeiMei, the TV hostess went on asking ^will you accept the marriage proposal? ̄

  
This unexpected question made MeiMei in a state of panic eclipsed, she muttered ^What, what? Marry? Who? ̄

  
The TV hostess immediately explained ^Mr. Chen, we call him JiuGe just proposed to marry you publicly on the stage. Didn¨t he ask you before? ̄

  
^JiuGe just proposed to ME publicly on stage? ̄ MeiMei stressed the word ^ME ̄, sounded full of surprises and confusion. But she quickly adjusted her facial expression, tone of ridicule imitating Guangdong dialect she said ^aren¨t you mistaken? ̄

  
TV Hostess smiled to conceal her career as a small embarrassment, went on her work she asked ^can you please give us a simple self-introduction, or at least tell us your name? Of course, the best if you could tell us your attitude towards the marriage proposal. ̄

  
^I have no idea what you are talking about. What proposal, marriage? Your TV lights make me feel dizzy. ̄ MeiMei tried to squeeze out of cloud, ^please let me outI need to use the restroom. ̄

  
At this point I had pushed myself forward in front to MeiMei. I grasped her hand, yelled ^MeiMei, in front of so many witnesses, I ask you to marry me, please answer me, are you willing to marry me? ̄

  
This time MeiMei was literally stunned, took a long pause she simply ^oh my God ̄ and fainted.

  
Someone shouted ^Call for an ambulance. ̄

  
I put my violin body remains on the MeiMei, carried her with my violin walking outside of the concert hall. Out side of the hall a taxi was just there. I got MeiMei and myself in and said to the driver ^immediately to the hospital. ̄

  
^Which hospital? ̄ The driver asked.

  
^To the best hospital in the city. ̄I begged.

  
^No, go to Pan Jia Ping. ̄ MeiMei¨s voice.

  
^What? Was it just a show? ̄ I thrusted MeiMei.

  
^50 50. ̄ MeiMei poured on me.

  
The taxi was driving toward Pan Jia Ping, that simple old one floor building, yet the first home of ours.

  
To be continued

  


  




 指鹸[1]:  sosososo (2010-11-04 22:02:33)  
 
  湘悟絞並嗤吭房徽哂咎糞壓音糊孝略。心軟栖

  
匆音馮短匂咎議覬愬覽跳咎賜湘悟徭失

  
哂猟邦峠嗤乂餓鉦。雑宸担謹娼薦賜署徨嗤侭

  
音峙。勣音斑厘萩倖繁逸低恂欺扮嶄哂猟揖

  
扮竃井扮匆蛍乂碕。

 指鹸[2]: 挫挫挫祥頁御盆寄社厘議哂猟音佩箔照。 湘悟 (2010-11-05 06:47:49)  
 
  泌惚嗤栽癖議繁萩匯協容呪。

  
嶷仍

  
湘悟

 彰萩藻冱賓隆廣過議喘薩萩枠指遍匈廣過
喘薩兆(駅倬)
畜 鷹(駅倬)
炎 籾(販吭)
坪 否(1000忖參坪夕頭哈喘鯉塀:[img]夕頭銭俊仇峽[/img])
    耶紗夕頭
    

       湘悟徭工
    嗤購念湊背埣侈諾朔徂儂光了 
    背埣貫書爺蝕兵屎塀秘囿 
    湘悟撹気鶴算喨篩 
    谷麼朗議析弗蛎非層射廷鋼蝕鋼 
    及眉仟嶄忽房沫 
    翌繁 Foreigner ┯薮塀 
    哂猟井ゞ幻徨肺〃竃井畠白弁 
    挫棲鈴厘葎焚担沫隼夕 
    書定壅資挫棲鈴戻兆 
    さようならJapan戯 
    厘love密忽KhonKaen 
    湘悟采亶愴亙恐氓崗喨慎痛誼 
    嚥弌宮斌閥^暢霧忽並 ̄ 
    葎焚担勣栖晩云鞭縮圄 
    匯爺泣似階100嵐湘悟處怙議戻肺 
    厘荻勵勵葎谷夾叫嚥剋蝕斯屬脂 
    刷掴寮篇繁麗廨恵気鶴┥展脾篇撞 
    刷掴寮篇繁麗廨恵ゞ気鶴、肺碗貧議房廷〃 
     湘悟ゞ及眉繁伏傚冱〃 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃26 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃25 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃24  
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃23 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃22 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃21 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃20 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃19 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃18 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃17 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃14 a 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃16 
    哂猟幻牌肺15 
    哂猟幻牌肺14 
    哂猟 幻徨肺13 
    哂猟 幻徨肺12 
    哂猟幻徨肺 
    Father Son & Violin (10) 
    Father Son & Violins (9) 
    Father Son & Violins (8) 
    Father Son & Violins (7) 
    Father Son & Violin (6) 
    Father Son & Violin (5) 
    Father Son & Violin (4) 
    湘悟ゞ幻徨肺〃23硫蕗 
    湘悟ゞ幻徨肺〃22、寄潤蕉 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃16嶷穴臭惜紐嚥弌奏 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃15幻牌議何蛍寔 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃14、嶄忽戻肺岻禍彜(縮娩瞬遊沢簒) 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃13御艶怕忽敬鯤製 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃12貧今決髄膨定 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃11糞崔力襭撹葎刷掴及匯戻肺返 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃噴、膨定垢繁将煽┯羆雋δ丕 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃湘社篤繁柊弌奏朔並 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃伊厘議侃娼嚥弌奏誘鷲夕 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃鈍厘勣輝廨匍戻肺返夕 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃鎗^矢築議社 ̄夕 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃励性蝕僥肺議會鳥 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃膨厘勣性弌戻肺 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃眉戻肺!個延厘議凋塰 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃屈圀梨抜議叱周弌並 
    ゞ幻徨肺〃匯湘悟議繁伏絞並 
    Father Son and Violin 3 
    Father Son and Violin 2 
    Father Son and Violin 
    湘悟徭工 
 
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