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湘悟 (窟燕晩豚:2010-05-08 19:05:50 堋響繁肝:2288 指鹸方:3)


16, How step by step Did I Go Abroad?

The conservatory graduation

With the order from secretary Yu (the wife of the big boss Li and mother of Nini, who used to be my shelter) the vise chief Li of my orchestra came to Shanghai to fetch me.

Comrade Li was originally from Shanghai; therefore to him being sent to Shanghai was certainly a candy errand.

Heard that I was wanted to return to Hunan without my final exam, I certainly refused to obey. To me, coming to study in Shanghai was like climbing Himalaya, after went through all the obstacles and tribulation I finally got very close to the top, how I could possibly roll down to the bottom. Li realized it was waste of time to go on persuading me, in Chinese we say ^to play the tune to an ox, ̄ he turned his effort to my girl friend Dangya. After a long conversation in Shanghai dialect Dangya changed her attitude and also suggested that I go back to Hunan for the time being.

She said, ^Comrade Li is your vise chief, your leader, he came from such a long distance (over 1000 Km) to take you back, if you refuse, what could he do with his face? ̄

^His face? ̄ Meanwhile I reminded Sha-Sha, and our little baby Xiao-xiao who was ended before becoming because of my study in Shanghai. At last I got angry with Dongya, ^All my struggling and bitterness in the past, and all my life in the future, have to be given up for his face, his that yellow ugly face? ̄

In the end, Dangya made a compromise that she would accompany me go back to Hunan together. She said she would tell the leaders in my orchestra that the pregnancy thing was all her fault, and she would take all the responsibility and consequence.

After two mouths back and forth persuading me I started to boggle. It looked like I had no choice but go back to Hunan at once. Yet it was very close to my final graduation exam, which was postponed once already because of the film making, if asking for another postpone from the conservatory, probably I would never be able to graduate.

At exact this crucial moment a man appeared in front of me after being disappeared from my life for many years, that man was not anyone else but my father.

After apart from each other for all these years when my father saw me again, he wasn¨t like all the other fathers in the movies being excited but with no extra facial expression as if we had met each other a day ago. He very briefly told me that he was coming to Shanghai on business, and happened to stay at a small hotel very close to the conservatory. After had supper with me at my school dining hall he went to see Dangya and comrade Li alone. He went to see them both again on the next morning. Therefore the second day he only met me at my school-dining hall during the supper. On the third day before he went back to Hunan he said to me, ^No need to go back to Hunan at this point. Finish whatever you need to finish in Shanghai. Concerning your working unit, I¨ll talk to your leaders as soon as I¨m back to Hunan. ̄

My father¨s that a few simple words razed the prejudice of him built in my mind for many years. I instantly felt warmth and love, if it wasn¨t that our family had no hugging and touching tradition as well as his ice cold face, I would probable hurtle up to embrace him. Yet my father did not hug me, nor shook hands with me, except passed me 2.5 RMB saying that was for the two suppers I paid for him at the school dinning hall.

As soon as my father went back to Hunan, comrade Li came to see me, he said, ^Although your father¨s opinion has his argument, but my mission is to bring you back. Therefore how could I go back with nothing? ̄

^What do you want me to do? ̄ I counter-questioned him

^Unless, unless you punch me on my face, otherwise ´´ ̄

I did not wait for him to finish his words and gave him what he asked for, a big punch on his face. In fact, I could have given him two punches if he would like to.

Comrade Li covered his loose incisors with his hand and returned back to Hunan. I¨m sure he never expected such a favorable errand of coming to Shanghai had to pay such a price.

Meanwhile, almost every day Dangya¨s mother persuaded her daughter to have an abortion. The mother even wrote a letter to Shasha asking her to talk to Dangya too. Hence Shasha called Dangya. The phone call made Dangya ask me, ^What dose sister Shasha mean by `you are not the only one who gives an abortion¨? ̄ I certainly knew what Shasha meant, only I could not explain.

However, I insisted Dangya give birth of the baby, for I thought to have a baby in Shanghai might be helpful for me to stay in Shanghai. (By that time, Chinese people had no right to stay wherever they wanted to stay. They had to stay where their folk registers were.)

Talking about after my father returning to Hunan, he went to negotiate with the leaders of my unit immediately, though his tone was very polite but his words were rather heavy. After all father was a communist part member, a government cadre, knew the rules of the officialdom game. In addition, it was the period when the Chinese communist party launched ^strengthening the legal system ̄ movement for the first time after in power for more than 3 decades; therefore my working unit could not ignore my father¨s opinion completely. In order to solve my issue, both parties agreed to have an imitation lawsuit. My father found him a lawyer; and the unit also got a lawyer. With the case went on, it seemed if I got married with Dangya immediately, it would favor my father¨s party. As for my punch on comrade Li¨s face, it was not enough to be a lawful responsibility, so I was only given a demerit punishment.

For this matter, father came to Shanghai again. This time he didn¨t meet me, but went straight to see Dangya and her mother. His advice to them was, ^As the matter it is now, the best solution is to get married immediately. ̄

Hence, Dangya and I registered marriage right away at the

Shanghai Xuhuiqu government office. Just like that, no pastor¨s orison, no church bell, no wedding dress photograph, even no party or dinner for family members and friends, I got married with my very first wife Dangya.

As soon as the marriage registration procedure was done Dongya applied an abortion permit certificate from her work unit. (By that time, hospitals would not accept abortions without work unit¨s certificates; and the work units would not write abortion permit certificates to unmarried couples)

^What! The purpose you got married with me is to be able to get an abortion certificate? You could as well do abortion without the certificate. Shasha´ ̄ I suddenly realized I slipped my tongue.

Dangya however, did not argue with me about the abortion matter, but said something else to me, ^To tell you the truth, the reason I decided to get married with you is not completely for the sake of love, nor following some senior¨s advice; it is more I feel sorry for you, for I realized that in the world besides me there isn¨t anyone else truly love you and care for you. So´ Alright, too many words could spoil the matter, the only thing I want you say to you is I would stay with you as long as you need me. ̄ She ended there, and took out a handkerchief, as if I got a cancer. Regarding why she changed her mind and decided to go abortion she was not willing to explain. After my long carrot-and-stick she finally agreed to postpone the date of abortion to the time when I finish my graduation examination.

Through conversation with Dangya I could feel that Dangya¨s decision of getting married with me had an influence from my father. For that I started to be grateful to him. After all, we were father and son.

Henceforth, I concentrated all myself to practice the violin, and successfully passed the final graduation examination. To every body¨s surprise, to add points of the exams of all subjects together, I was No 1 in my whole class.

After all the hardship and madness for four years, Eventually I graduated from the Shanghai Conservatory of Music.


What to do after graduation?

Like most people, I also thought when entered a university, is to stepped the road leading to heaven. However, all university graduates would experience the same situation, ^What to do after graduation? ̄

All Chinese people would know, for outsiders to remain living in Shanghai, although may not be as difficult as to go to the moon, yet certainly more difficult than to immigrant to the United States. Therefore after a few attempts I gave it up. But, for the sake of our coming baby and to have a life together with my wife Dangya, I tried to look for a job at orchestras in the cities near Shanghai. Both Suzhou and Wuxi expressed their willingness to take me, particularly Wuxi promised me the position of the concertmaster of the orchestra. Once again, I deceived Hunan and packed up my staff ready to go to Wuxi.

Just one day before I planed to go to Wuxi I went to say goodbye to Chai Ben-Shan, after all he was my best friend, and more importantly my dependant in Shanghai.

^Why you want to go to Wuxi? ̄ Chai heard the news, was like to hear ^the sun rises from the west. ̄

^Because Wuxi is close to Shanghai, I can¨t stay in Shanghai; Wuxi is the best place I could go. That¨s why. ̄ I explained with all my reasons.

^What¨s good about to stay in Shanghai? Every one of your classmates are trying to go abroad, they even don¨t speak much English as you do. ̄ Followed he told me the majority of my schoolmates are planning to go to USA, UK or Australia.

^That¨s because they are all rich as well as have relatives abroad. ̄ I said without mach thinking.

Chai did not wait for me to finish he interrupted and advised me that everything could be created by efforts, included money and relatives. He was strongly opposed me to go to Wuxi, Saying that if I go there, it was like to put a period mark to my life. Then he took out a few letters, letters from the Eastman School of Music, Indiana University etc.

^Write the addresses down, and go back to write letters to them. The Americans are trustworthy, if you write to them, they sure will answer. Etc. When you receive their answers, you make the next move according to what they require. Step by step just like that, one day you will find yourself walking on a street in the United States, or some where in a free world. Till then, when you think back today that you wanted to go to Wuxi, how ridiculous it could be. ̄ Chai went on and on.

The second day I made a long-distance call to Wuxi saying that due to my wife is about to give a birth of our baby, I was not able to go there immediately. The same day I wrote two letters, one Eastman School of Music NY, and the other to Indiana University. Doubted my letters might be like being thrown into the ocean and would never receive answers, while surprisingly both institutions wrote back to me, and both said that they would happy to accept me for my MA studies. I the letters also enclosed materials concerning English efficiency TOEFL test as well as Visa information.

That made Chai very satisfied and proud, he said, ^Just as I told you that the road comes out by people¨s footsteps. You next move is to go back to Hunan, take the TOEFL test, apply for a passport, find a financial sponsor, prepare money for the air-ticket´ ̄

^But, my wife is expecting, how can I leave her alone here and go back to Hunan all by myself? It would be the same problem if someday I really could go abroad´ ̄ I did no how to finish my sentence.

^As this is your private business I shouldn¨t interrupt, but being a real friend I feel this is not the right time for you to have a child. Wait until the condition is mature, you can have as many children as you like. I know there is no one-family-one-child policy in the United States. ̄

With Chai¨s advice, I went straight to talk to my wife Dangya, ^About our child, on my second thought´ ̄

Dangya did not wait my finishing my talk she interrupted, ^No need to pursued me anymore, I also have changed my mind, do as you asked to give birth of our child. ̄ Dongya said as she touched her full belly. ^This small fellow, resently likes to kick me. Look he did it again, touch, and touch here quickly. ̄ Dangya held my hand against her belly tightly, ^My little fellow, this is your father, can you call father? Understand? ̄

The movement of Dangya¨s belly shocked me, made my aware more strongly than ever that that was already a life, life made by the DNA of Dangya and me. Therefore there was in no way I could talk more about the matter of abortion.

A few days later when Dangya found out that I had changed my mind about giving birth of the child, she burst into tears. When she got out from the hospital after abortion, she looked in a great agony she said grumblingly, ^I swear I¨ll never be pregnant again, ever! ̄

^What did you say? ̄ I pretended.

^Nothing. ̄ Dangya closed her eyes.

Back to Hunan

The very first thing I did after I went back to Hunan was to go see CEO Li, and more importantly his wife ante Yu. Knocking at their door I was so afraid the person who opens the door for me would be Nini. But my worry was unnecessary as Nini was no longer living with her mother and stepfather. That was the biggest scandal in the history of the Hunan Radio and TV Bureau. The rumor said that Nini was pregnant, and more to everybody¨s shock the one made her pregnancy was not son of some big dignitary, or a well educated gentleman with a social status, but a temporary part time worker of a low class factory. ^A delicate fresh flower that no one dares to touch yet put at a heap of smelly bullshit ̄ was what my colleagues felt sorry and gossiped about. Of course no one was angrier than Nini¨s mother aunt Yu, ^How dare of the boy even did not ask me´ ̄ How could aunt Yu know that the reason that ^boy ̄ could succeed was dare to do with her daughter without asking for the mother¨s permission. This nobody-understand reason only me was very clear. According to the time Nini¨ pregnancy was not long after the news of my wife Dongya¨s pregnancy spread back to Hunan. If the timing was not a co-instance, I was probably, at least in certain degree responsible for Nini¨s happiness or sadness in her entire life.

It was 1983 when I returned back to Hunan. The Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping started a nation wide academy diploma campaign. All the government officials at certain rank must have a college diploma. That caused our chief Liu a great headache. At the age close to 60 he had to go to night school to study for a diploma. I remember one day chief Liu was criticizing a comrade for being late for work, surprisingly the comrade talked back to him, ^You dare to criticize me again I will not help you with your with your studies anymore. ̄

In order to have more time paving my way abroad I took a journalism correspondence course of the Beijing Broadcasting Institute in Hunan. By doing so, I had very good excuse not to take part of the orchestra rehearsal often. That was naturally not good for the orchestra. One day, the orchestra leader Ma told me, ^OK, concentrate your time and mind on your study now, come back to the orchestra again as soon as you finish. ̄ That is to say, only a few months in Hunan after I had been absent for four years in Shanghai, I was full time off work again studying, of course with full salary and school fees paid by the Hunan Radio and TV Bureau.

Who benefited the most from the Red China socialist system? I, the little Nine-Brother benefited the most from the Red China socialist system.

The journalism correspondence course had class only half a day a week. What should I do with rest of the time?

When my story comes to this point, I need to again mention Hu Meimei, the next-door neighbor girl with whom I grew up with together. As I returned back to Hunan as a married man, there was in no way I could look for new girl friends. In addition I was too busy prepare going abroad to fool around with girls. But I, as a man, a man like me, the little nine-brother, how could I be survive without regular sexual activities. Hence, Meimei put back again in a very good use.

However, for that period meimei was also quite busy, busy with her university studies. The university she attended was not a well-kwon one, was not even considered to be a good one, for it was a poor founded private institution named Hunan Science and Technology University.

I care less whether it was a well-established institution or not, as long as I could learn something, it was good enough for me. Therefore through the introduction of Meimei, I got myself into the English class of institution. After got close to my English teacher, I used him as a bridge and got myself into a English class at the Shangsha Railway Institute, the one known as the best English classes in the city. For doing that, I ended up as studying at three different universities at the same time. Thinking all these back, I really should say; ^I owe you a great deal ̄ to my Phoenix brand bicycle.

Here, I particularly want to mention a few words about the private founded Hunan Science and Technology University, that what I learnt far more important than English was the theory of system engineering of the society, as well as the consciousness of the ^information ages ̄ we were approach. For those knowledge and consciousness proved to be very useful to my life now and in the future. For that, I would like very much to say to the founder of the institute, ^thank you so much, professor ZHANG QI REN. ̄


(TOEFL Test of English as a Foreign Language)

I mentioned in earlier, I started to study Chinese and English with a husband and wife who taught at Changsha No2 Middle School at the ago 16. In addition I studied English very hard during my violin study at the Shanghai Conservatory of Music (thanks to Fang-Fang too) when I went to take the TOEFL test, I already had good foundation of the language. Plus I took some English lesson at two different universities that gave the result of my test score being near 600. I sent the result to two American institutions for my post education, Eastman School of Music in New York, and Indiana University. And I was immediately accepted as Mater degree student by both. Two formal letters of acceptance reached me.

(Get a passport)

I dare to say, no one in the whole country got one¨s passport as smoothly as I did by that time, unless your uncle is a police boss.

I took the letter of acceptance from Eastman School of Music to the Hunan police on Monday. The police officer gave me a paper form, asked me to finish all requirements on the form and then to apply for my passport. The contents in that form included working unit certificate; folk registration certificate; university enters notification letter; I20 form; money guarantee certificate etc.

It was just the time that the country¨s campaign of Reform & Open-Door. ^Efficacy ̄ was a very popular slogan.

I quickly ran back to the broadcast & television Bureau where I worked. From orchestra, library, folk register etc, I had my paper full of red stamps, until finally I went to see the number one boss general director Li. Li took a look of my papers, deeply sighed, saying ^it wants to rain and daughter wants to get married, nothing I can say. You, go. ̄ Just like that, I got my last red stamp, and the most important one. That is to say, I got all I need to do at my working unit within one day.

The second day in the early morning I went to Hunan police again. The police officer looked at my documents, obviously could not read English very much, and asked me ^which is the I20 form? And which is the letter of finance guarantee certificate? ̄ I picked up the letter of acceptance from the school, told him that was something similar to the I20 form; as I had no the economy guarantee certificate, I had to pick up a school document that concerns economic guarantee, saying ^this be relevant document of economic guarantee. ̄ The officer used a pencil marked Chinese letters ^I20 ̄ and ^finance guarantee certificate ̄.

^When can I get my passport? ̄ I asked eagerly.

^Not very clear. ̄ The office said.

^You are the one in charge, if you aren¨t clear, who would be clear ̄ I was quite worried.

^The comrade in charge is absent for sometime. I am only temporarily replacing his position. However, as far as I know, a passport application takes about two weeks generally, if not any longer. ̄ The police said.

^Two weeks? Oh my God! Efficacy is the slogan today. You see, our broadcast & television Bureau took only a working day to finish all procedures. Our leader would like to see how effect the police could be. ̄ I challenged him.

^OK, I will do it at once. But there are a lot of procedures. So it is impossible to do it in one day, say, as quick as three days, I can try. That should be ready by Friday. ̄ The police man said with confidence.

My that a few words about ^efficiency ̄ worked, perhaps. I got my passport on Thursday, which was only two days after I handed all my papers. About the fees, it was several ten RMB that included the paper material fee of that passport. I even forgot to bring a few packages of cigarette to the police.

(Make money to go abroad)

Once I had my passport, which was very rare at that time, my comrades in orchestra started to ask testing questions about when to leave for abroad. Even my personal belongs, such as furniture, bicycle etc, were settled by persons. Although I always answered ^very soon ̄, But in my mind I was very clear, to go to the United States was still very elusive. Because I had no economic sponsor, no money to pay for the expensive tuition. Under such circumstance, it was completely impossible to get a visa from the US Embassy.

Whatever, I had no choice except finding a way working hard to earn money. The know-how to make money from selling paintings that I learnt from Teacher Chai in Shanghai was the only money making skill I knew. Therefore I moved the whole thing to Hunan. I went to see many artists in Hunan, paying about 10 to 20 RMB a piece to buy their Chinese paintings. Then I take the paintings to an expert to have them mounted, and then I sold them for 100 to 200 RMB per piece to foreigners. My customers include foreign English teachers, foreign tourists, sometimes even foreign individual tourists I met on the streets.

There was an event by chance, or by destiny, that changed my life. That was one day I was invited by a TV reporter of Hunan

Tv as a interpreter to interview a ^Chinese Cultural Study Group ̄ from Australia. During the interview I got to know an artist named Lawrence. After a few going-out-together we became kind of friends. That changed the destiny of my life.

One day, I brought about 30 Chinese paintings to Lawrence¨s room hopefully he would like some of them and pay for. As I introduced before Lawrence himself was an artist. He used his very critical eyes to appreciate some of my paintings, and then commented that my paintings were pretty good, at least were original art, not like those commercial copies selling at so called Friendship Store (used to be shops only sell things to foreigners) that tourist guide took them to. Hence He made a room call to another guest. About 10 minutes latter, there was a queue lining out side of Lawrence¨s room. Lawrence let everybody in. And I gave a brief speech about Chinese paintings. In fact I was no artist myself, only told something very shallow that I learnt during the business. But everybody looked very interested and serious. The atmosphere was somewhat like a classroom.

As soon as my talk finished, one person asked me ^how much? ̄

^How much what? ̄ I asked him.

^How much money? For this painting? ̄ She pointed a silk painting with very easy to understand English.

^Oh, this, this is a small painting, 80 RMB ̄ I explained.

Someone else asked ^how about that one? ̄

^That one, en, that one is bigger, should cost 200RMB. ̄I say.

The group of Australians were all amused by the fact that Chinese paintings priced by size just like table cloth.

Someone again asked me if I took only RMB or Australia dollar as well. I told them it did not matter very much, even how much they pay did not matter very much, as far as they pay.

When I was talking to Lawrence, everyone was busy looking for paintings they might like. In the end, I sold every single piece of paintings I brought there. My ragged army bag was felt with Australian dollars and Chinese Renminbi.

That was the richest day in my life up to that day. In fact I had never seen so much money at one time before that day. That was the day, I would never forget in my entire life.

It seems everyone bought paintings from me, except one man, Lawrence. After I explained to him that I make money in order to study abroad, and for that I also need a financial sponsor. Lawrence obviously did not know the real meaning of ^sponsor ̄, he told me if I was going to Australia, I wouldn¨t need a sponsor if I bring some paintings that were real art with me.

Australia? I never thought about Australia, up to then I only thought about USA and USA only.

(Go to Australia)

One year passed very quickly. That was the time I visit my wife Dongya in Shanghai. (In China by that time, people can not move freely from place to place. One has to stay in one¨e birth place, even if people from two different cities married, they can only live together in the smaller city which one part lived, but not to the bigger one that the other part lived. I was from Hunan, a much smaller city than Shanghai, but Dongya is from Shanghai, so we had to live separately even we were married.)

Certainly I went to see my old friend, the one who taught me painting business, teacher Chai Ben-Shan.

When Chai heard my story about Lawrence, he said ^why not Australia, why must be the United States. Now it is not where you choice to go, but where you can go, except Tanzania or Zambia. ̄

Then he handed me a brochure of La Trobe University in Melbourne.

^Your English is good; go there to study English literature should be the quickest way to get yourself abroad. ̄ That, changed my life cause from USA to Australia

Following Chai¨s advice, I applied for English studies at the La Trobe University in Melbourne. I wrote a letter to Lawrence about my coming to Melbourne. Lawrence was really worth a friend; he called University straight away. Less than 3 months, I received a letter of acceptance from La Trobe. University.

The next thing is applying for a visa.

Although up to then I still did not believe I could really get myself abroad, yet I started to believe Chai¨s saying ^there was no road, man walk on it, step by step, the road become. ̄

(Obtain a Visa)

Every Chinese abroad or trying to go abroad would know, no visa, no going abroad. In order to get a visa, must have money, or a financial sponsor. But I, at that time, just like many others who were trying to get out of the country, had got everything but money or sponsor. Though I was so sure my hope was elusive, still I decide to go to Beijing to have a try. Even finally I could not go out as I wished; I would have an explanation, an excuse, an answer, to Shasha, to Dangya, to Chai Ben-Shan, to every one of my friends and orchestra fellow members. Just like that holding my passport I went to Beijing.

Very early next morning after my arrival at Beijing I went to the Australia Embassy. Before I even got close to the front gate, I saw an announcement in Chinese written ^Overseas student visa section pleases go this way ̄, then the address with a map. Luckily the place wasn¨t too far away. I quickly walked towards the place. But, not yet close to the building I saw huge crowd in front of a big mansion. Strange, applying a visa in China was also like to buy a train ticket, no line up? But when I got close to the building, it was not strange any more, because I was one of the crowds who were trying very hard to get toward. Of course I was not pushing others away to get myself in for visa, but for reading another notice. As there were just too many people,

There was no way I could read what was on the notice, only over heard people asking the same questions which no one could give an answer ^Why they close issuing visa temporarily? ̄ ^When will they re- start again? ̄

Mean time, inside a Chinese staff made an announcement ^due to various reasons, we stop to issue student visa. Wait for further notice. ̄ Sounded hundred percent Chinese bureaucrat tone.

I understand there was no meaning at all to sweat in that crowd. I pushed my way out, sat by the street, thinking.

^Should I just go back home like that? How If Sha-Sha were here, what would she ask me to do? ̄ I also reminded Chai Ben-Shan¨s saying ^There was no road. People walk on it, step by step, a road become. Just keep walking; one will get one¨s destination in the end. ̄

Hence I decided, I shouldn¨t go back, but forwards. I must find some other ways leading to my destination.

At this time, a young man about my age came to chat with me. He introduced himself named Zho-Zhong.

^We haven¨t met before. How many times have you been here? ̄ He asked me.

^First time. ̄ I answer honestly.

^This is my 11th time. ̄ He said with a superior tone. Followed he started to show off his rich experiences how he did all up to here. In the end, he asked me ^How is your financial guarantee? Is it a bank deposit certificate, or just a letter from a sponsor? If it is a bank deposit certificate would be much better, but if just letter would be difficult´ ̄ Before my answer he was about to continue talk something else. I knew he was not really interested in my situation, but find someone to talk with so that he would feel better from his loneliness and pity.

I, have neither. ̄ I told him the truth, in order to end the meaningless conversation.

^What? You have neither money nor letter; dare to all the way from Hunan coming here for a visa? What an international joke! I swear to you if you can get a visa, I put my first name last, and last name first. ̄ (Which is considered a kind of insult in China)

Such conversation brings no useful information nor good feelings but a pure waste lot of time, I excused myself with something I needed to go and left Zhu-Zhong.

I went back to the Australian Embassy, talked around looking for opportunities. An opportunity came right to me. I saw two Aussies, one female of one male walked out from the embassy. I went up to them pretended that I just arrived from local knowing nothing about the visa situation, asking them the direction to the visa section where I just came from. They stopped for me and seriously listen to my question, then very kindly pointed the direction to the Visa section. Seeing I was little puzzled on my face, they said ̄ We are just about to going there too. If you like, we can go together. ̄

I did not mind, not at all. On the contrary, I was so delighted I could walk together with them, which meant I had more time to chat with them. In the confabulation, I got to know that they were not staffs of the embassy, but managers of some schools in Australia coming to Beijing to recruit students. For them, students were business. Through conversations I got to know the reason that visa-issue-stop temporarily was because the Australian government was adjusting overseas¨ student policy. The people in charge of visa section were back to Australia for a meeting. They would come back in a week.

What an important information this is! At least, I did not have to come there everyday, and everyday did not know until which day I had to wait.

I made a good use of that week visiting Tianjin. Unexpectedly, this trip I fond my key to the door to go Australia.

The story goes like this. After Chinese reform & open-door policy, the Chinese Musician Association established an ^American Music Research Association ̄ which is located in the Tianjin Conservatory of Music. I with my thesis of ^the American jazz ̄ became the youngest member of the association. As I was already in Tianjin I certainly took the chance to visit the general secretary of the association. Heard that I would study abroad very soon, (that was rare and difficult by that time) the general secretary appeared to be very warm, invited me home for dinner. I remember nothing was on the meal, but remember he gave me a list of names and addresses of the Association members. In the list, some very famous and important leading musicians included the country¨s leading soprano Zhang-Quan.

Back to Beijing, I paid my visit to the members on the list one by one. When I visited Zhang-Quan, the old professor seemed to be very happy to see me. (After a long persecution during the Cultural Revolution) She even thought me as one of her school posterity. (Professor Zhang was a graduate from the Eastman School of Music in New York) From her I gained an even more important name, the one in charge of Chinese Central Broadcasting Station¨s Music Program for foreign section. (I remember was my violin teacher from shanghai¨s elder brother¨s ex-wife¨s brother.)

I went to see the head of the Music Section of the Chinese Central Broadcasting Station straight away. I was warmly received by the head because I was introduced by Professor Zhang. When heard that I was about to go to Australia for my music studies soon, he asked me for a favor. He said ^if you have a chance to meet the Australian Embassy people, please pass my message to them. That is when they provide us music program; please give us stereo instead of mono. The person in change of music program from the Australia Embassy was here a few times. But we could not talk much due to language barrier. ̄ And then he found out a business card of the person in Charge of music program in the Australian Embassy. I took a look, that gentleman is the Culture secretary of the Australia Embassy.

That business card became my key to go to Australia.

The next day, I went to the Australian embassy in early morning, I showed my working ID as a staff from the Hunan Broadcasting & TV bureau, but being sent by the Chinese Central Broadcasting Station coming to see´, I showed the doorman the business card of the Culture secretary of the Australia Embassy. A few minutes later I met the gentleman in the business card. I was invited to his office with respect. We started to talk about music. To me, music is what? Music is my everything, my love, my job, my cup of tea´ Of course I did pass the message from the Central Broadcasting Station that their stereo music programs were appreciated, and I added if the music would be closer to the Chinese people¨s taste.

The cultural secretary was obviously getting exited by my talking. He picked up a telephone, said to me ^If you don¨t mind, I would like you to meet someone, the director of the Radio Australia Chinese section. His name is John Crone. He happened to be in Beijing. ̄

^I don¨t mind, not at all. ̄ I replied. How could I mind, simply can¨t afford to mind. It was actually more than I expected.

A few minutes later John Crone shook hands with me at the cultural secretary's office. Three of us were talking in a very good mood.

When the topic coming to some problems about their music program as well as their communication difficulties with the Chinese, the secretary suddenly asked Mr. Crone ^Why don¨t you ask Mr. Chen to see if he would like to help us? ̄

Mr. Crone catered to his superior, said ^You know what, I thought the same. In fact I have been looking for a person who is a mainland Chinese understand English and western cultural as well as music and radio broadcasting. ̄

I was more than delighted; my English is simply not good enough to describe how excited I was at that very moment. Yet my words came out like this ^I would love to help you, but´ ̄

^But what? ̄ They asked the same question at the same time.

^But I¨m on my way to Eastman School of Music in New York. ̄

I did not wait for too long to tell them that I could postpone my going to USA, instead to HELP them in Radio Australia that is located in Melbourne for a short period of time.

^Do you have a passport? ̄ The secretary asked.

Yes I do. ̄ Answered me.

^Have you passport with you now? ̄ The secretary asked again.

^Yes I do. ̄ Answered me again.

^Do you have any friends in Australia? ̄ He kept asking.

^Yes I do. ̄ I kept answering positively.

^How is your financial situation? I mean do you have a bank account in Australia? ̄ He looked at my eyes with the last but may be the most important question.

^Yes I do´I mean I would have as soon as I am in Australia. ̄

^When Can you depart for Australia? ̄ This question was asked by Mr. Crone.

^At once, immediately, right away. ̄ I couldn¨t help standing up from my chair.

^OK, everything sounds great. Could you leave your passport here? ̄ That was the real final question of the secretary.

^Yes I would be very happy to leave my passport here. But for how long? ̄ I asked.

^Until tomorrow morning 10 o¨clark. OK. ̄ The secretary raised his hand to shake hands which meant Bye-bye.

Mr. Crone walked me out of the office. We talked about a plan of making a series radio programs introducing Australia music to Chinese people. But Mr. Crone made it very clearly and repeatedly, that it would only be a part time job, wouldn¨t be enough to make a living. I told him not to worry as I had other means to make a living.

Next morning at 10 o¨clock sharp, I received my passport with visa to Australia. I felt my body was floating in the air, could not remember whether I walked out or flew out of the Embassy.

I went to the visa section again on purpose, looking at the crowd with satisfactory smile of the victory. In the crowd, I discovered that man again. What was his name again, Zhu-Zhong. If revise his last name to first name, it would be Zhong-Zhu, that would sound ^boar ̄ in Chinese language. I was amused, burst into laughter. I waved at him. He noticed at me, walked towards me.

I could not wait until he get closer, because that would simply too cruel. I only wave my passport, kept the voice down enough that he couldn¨t hear

^See you in Australia. ̄


(Leave my motherland for a foreign land)

Leave my first wife Dongya

After I had my visa, the very first person I must see was certainly my wife Dongya.I went from Beijing directly to Shanghai. Dongya arranged me staying at a guest house of the Shanghai Public Health Bureau where she used to work.

After a simple meal at a cheap place, she asked me ^Do you come for the procedure? ̄

^All procedures going abroad are set. What else? ̄ I asked.

^No need to pretend. You are here for divorce procedure, right? ̄ Dongya made it very clearly with calm.

^Divorce?! ̄ Although I felt the day of divorce would come sometime. But it wasn¨t true that I was there for divorce, at least not that time.


^It¨s OK to tell the truth; the truth is since the day we got married, I knew today would come. Only did not expect it comes so soon. ̄ Followed, Dongya told me a shocking story that I had not known until that day.

Dongya told me that when my father came to Shanghai from Hunan, to ask Dongya to get married with me, she felt very envy; envy that I had a father who would ask a girl to married his son so that his son wouldn¨t get in trouble in my working unit because of the girl¨s pregnancy.

Yet my father¨s explanation shocked Dongya.

My father said ^If you still don¨t understand the real mean of the marriage, I will have to make it more clearly to you. I do this, not for the sake of Him (he wouldn¨t call me ^my son ̄), but completely for the sake of you, in fact, for the sake of anyone, I would do the same, because, only I understand him the most. Saying one¨s own son isn¨t a good person, is something very painful. As a father, I am not able to change him, but should at least work hard prevent he causing trouble to the society. In another word, to keep his damage to the minimum to the society, please believe me, this time I ask you to get married with THAT PERSON, is completely for the sake of you, for the sake of you the reputation in society. If you are married, the relationship between you and him would be legal. Marriage and divorce is a normal phenomenon, not a scandal, no one would say anything about it´ ̄

Dongya was shocked by the words coming out from my father¨s mouth, asked ^Divorce? What about the little baby inside me? ̄

^That is why you should not give birth of the child. Because I¨m sure he wouldn¨t be together with you for a long time. As I told you, no one knows better about him than me. ̄

Heard that, Dongya had nothing further to say.

My father continued his persuasion ^About this matter I have exchanged thoughts with your mother. I think, as long as you don¨t give birth to the child, she wouldn¨t against your marriage as much as before. ̄

Finally father ended him brain wash like this ^This time, I came to Shanghai especially for you, therefore I have no intension to see him (me, his son). There is no need for you to tell him either. Let¨s promise, to keep this as a secret between us two, until the day you two divorce. ̄

^Secret ̄, what a powerful word! , It was that word captured half the heart of Dongya¨s.

^No wonder as soon as we got our marriage certificate you asked me to accompany you to the hospital for abortion. So it was that old man¨s setting. ̄ I suddenly realized the truth, and felt a bit shacking.

^Now you know what happened. ̄ Dongya went on ^remembering what I said to you when we got out from the hospital after abortion? ̄

^Yes I do, oh no, remember what? I mean I only remember you said something to me, but not what you had said. ̄ I reminded of her said ^I swear I would never have a baby again in my life. ̄

^I said´ ̄ Dongya stopped, perhaps had no strength, or not necessary to say it again.

No quarrel, no intermediation, no law court, we divorced, very peacefully and calmly.

The very last words Dongya left me were ^Do you know what was the real and the most important reason I made up my mind to go for the abortion? It was because I was frightened by my child would have a father treats him just like your father treats you. ̄

My father's appearance came to my mind, just felt a little closer and worthy respect some while ago became ferocious!

Oh God´

Like that, I left my wife, the very first wife of mine, never had contact again, until today.

Leave my working unit and fellow colleagues

Returning to my working unit, the Hunan Broadcasting & TV Orchestra, I started sorted out things, cleaning, throwing garbage (each time when it comes to move to another place, always have no idea where come so many useless things) burning documents and personal letters as well as photographs, the rest properties that had value to sell I sold them, or simply gave away. My colleagues seeing all these, no longer asking testing questions such as ^when would you go? ̄ On the contrary, all became over friendly.

Leave my family

I used almost all the money I got from the Australian cultural Group by selling Chinese paintings to them for an air-ticket to Melbourne.

The last day I was leaving for Australia, my elder brother asked me to have a meal at his place. I went there, seeing a full table of dishes waiting for me. In addition to the dishes, also other members of my family , those were my parents, elder brother and his wife. Of course, Meimei was there too. But my younger brother still did not show up.

The dished on the able were made by my elder brother¨s wife, the so-called fat sister.

Let me borrow this opportunity to talk a little about my sister-in-law. I had always been opposing them to be a couple. I once even wanted to threat fat-sister that I would tell my brother about she-and-our-father-thing at the farm. But, they got married, after all, when I was studying in Shanghai. Fact is fact. Dose it make any sense to mention about those past matters anymore? For the sake of my elder brother, I had to cover all the facts inside me. But cursed in my heart that my father, no more than a monster covered with human skin and appearance of always-doing-the-right-thing.

Perhaps to keep parents¨ dignity, they showed neither happiness nor celebration on their faces. They even didn¨t mention about my going abroad. See me saying nothing except eating, my mother couldn¨t hold any longer. She said ^We do not exactly support your going abroad, but if you insist to go; we do not object neither. ̄ Said she took out an envelope, the inside full of small bills, she explained ^I have counted; there are totally 200 RMB in it´ ̄

200 Chinese RMB, which was the entire support I received from my parents from my university education up to my going overseas for my further education.

I looked at the envelope in my hand, suddenly all dishes tasted the same ^bitter ̄.

Thinking back so many thunders and storms, winds and frosts of all the years, think forward unknown difficulties and obstacles I would going to encounter, my heart cries with no tears.

Just before I was about to leave, I wanted to say something exciting, I said ^Please do not worry about me, I would´ ̄

I was not quite finished, my father cut in ^worry? No worry anymore, at least you wouldn¨t make more damage to our Chinese society. ̄ After a light laughing, father¨s facial expression became very serious, as if he was worrying about I would expand the damage to more peoples all over the world.

Like always, it was Meimei as the family repetitive, just like to see me off to shanghai, she accompanied me to Guangzhou to see me on the flight to Melbourne.

Just before I boarded my aircraft, I passed that envelope, the envelope of 200 RMB, which my parents gave me as their support for my education overseas, said to her ^buy some candy that you like. ̄

The flight of Cathy Pacific took off the runway, carrying me with my dream, left my motherland, for a completely unknown world.

To be continued


^Father Son & Violin ̄ is my life story, as well as a story of our two generations of the New China. I have a strong sense of mission and passion to tell the story to the peoples all over the world.

My trouble is my poor English. I learnt only a little English such as ^long life Chairman Mao ̄ during my middle school year. Later though studied English at universities among them La Trobe University, USC, I had no solid experience living in an English speaking country for a long term. Therefore I could only use my poor and simple Chenglish to narrate an extremely complicated personal and profound historical story.

I beg you, if you are an English native, a story lover, a university teacher or professor, a publisher, or a friend of any, please contact me. I need your help to bring the story to the world in a decent form.

A novel first, and then a TV drama serious, and a movie´ Hopefully.



The story





 指鹸[1]:  孕隼 (2010-05-11 01:11:12)  




 指鹸[2]: 頁亜厘傍頁哂猟嗤繁傍音頁厘傍頁憧咄孕枠伏傍音頁 湘悟 (2010-05-14 09:48:32)  
  和匯指厘峪挫亟^袋瀧忖 Father Son & Violin ̄阻。

 指鹸[3]: 幻徨肺議"徨" 児業表 (2010-05-14 12:24:28)  
  溺(肺赤)心狛, 短心欺"徨"填 .

畜 鷹(駅倬)
炎 籾(販吭)
坪 否(1000忖參坪夕頭哈喘鯉塀:[img]夕頭銭俊仇峽[/img])

    翌繁 Foreigner ┯薮塀 
    嚥弌宮斌閥^暢霧忽並 ̄ 
    憧咄ゞ幻徨肺〃14 a 
    哂猟 幻徨肺13 
    哂猟 幻徨肺12 
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    ゞ幻徨肺〃鎗^矢築議社 ̄夕 
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